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When you're thinking about joining the Air Force..
ungerneath
(observer)
..Or when you're thinking about blowing your brains out or driving your car into a tree or maybe the lake.. Join the Flaming Lips forum instead.
Perhaps this is a bad idea - maybe I should seek counseling/therapy etc.. oh well, don't have the money..
Maybe there's a more appropriate place for rambling (like any of the million places I could have a blog for free).. I don't know, maybe.
If nobody complains, I'm going to use this forum. I hope nobody complains.
Everything I'm typing is bullshit. This is not my "natural flow". It's going through that part of my brain that distorts things, makes them more dramatic, makes me sometimes mean and sometimes way too nice. I am trying to "sound smart" and "deep". What a fucking train wreck, embarrassing.. <--- That's what I will think when I read this tomorrow (or even later today). Something will happen that will cheer me up or remind me of why life is awesome and worth living.. and then I'll read what I wrote and wonder what the fuck was so heavy that day? who the hell is that? i sound like a goddamn 15 year old.
In reality, I would never do critical harm to myself. In fact, I'm a relatively safe person. I may even be too safe. It might be wise for me to "fuck it up" a little.. take risks, etc.
I usually only do things I'm good at. I like to think that I am trying to change that. I don't think I will be able to tell until afterward. I feel like I'm mowing a field, sometimes following a path but mostly just winding around, all with the hope that the shapes I'm making will look good from a plane. The view from the ground is far from fulfilling, and I must look like a damn fool out there in the field wandering aimlessly (and mostly in circles), constantly reassuring my friends and family (and myself) that there's some kind of master plan at work here, just wait, you'll see. I feel like they have been able to see through my ruse for a good, long while.. and now they are just standing on the edge of the field, waiting for me to understand and accept.. kill the engine so I can hear them.
I haven't written anything like this in many many years, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense. I also haven't really "let the world in" for a long time.. so a lot of my writing may be "broken"/non-linear.. self-absorbed/introverted uhh etc whatever
Also, if I should just go get a blog somewhere, just tell me..
I have been listening to the flaming lips for 15 years. I listened to Clouds Taste Metallic and Transmissions almost every day when I was 18-22.. No joke. One of the first parties I went to.. my older brother and his friends, someone turning 22, lots of tears & nostalgia.. an experience I later recreated with my friends etc.. I tell you, flaming lips, holy fuck, it's magic. someday I will meet one of those fellas, and boy will I try to sum up everything I'd like to say.. likely fail (or prolly hit it right on the fucking head)..
Anyway, I'm glad I didn't join the Air Force today.
Jul 19, 2012 - 12:42pm
callingascade
(observer)
You need to meet them. Wayne is one of the nicest people I've ever met. When I saw them I was very depressed and I can't quite remember what Wayne said to me, but his words moved me and helped me get back on track.
Keep your spirits up, and yeah, don't join the air force.
Jul 23, 2012 - 8:41pm
My dream when I was a kid was to join the air force but I guess it's not for me, I'm already over age to join. But like you I'm also glad that I didn't join the air force.
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